Sibling Friendship in Young Adulthood

Social support systems dramatically change for young adults when they move out of their family home, go to college, begin their careers, and/or engage in long-term romantic relationships. At this time of life, young adults that once relied on parents’ support are likely to turn toward their peers and romantic partners as their key sources of support.

Sibling friendships in young adulthood are a powerful yet often overlooked source of emotional support. Recent mental health research increasingly highlights the unique benefits of turning to siblings during times of transition and change.

With newfound independence often comes a renewed appreciation for family relationships, particularly with siblings. As siblings age and no longer share a household, their relationships tend to become more voluntary, less conflictual, and more emotionally intimate. They begin to view each other not just as family, but as peers and friends.

Young adulthood is also a time when many experience heightened loneliness. Societal shifts like the cost-of-living crisis, reduced civic engagement, and the ongoing effects of the COVID-19 pandemic contribute to this growing sense of isolation. Siblings, who often face these challenges together, can provide meaningful support and share a unique, shared history (Audet et al., 2021).

Lonely? Reach Out to Your Sibling.

Young adults who have a strong social relationship with their adult siblings tend to have significantly higher levels of self-esteem and life satisfaction and lower levels of depression and loneliness. Young adults experienced these psychological benefits even if they lacked strong friendships with their peers.

A strong relationship with a sibling looks like the ability to confide in, reassure, care for, and enjoy things with one another (Milevsky, 2005). If you are feeling disconnected or want help navigating a decision, consider giving your sibling a call.

Navigating Sibling Conflict

Of course, not all sibling relationships are smooth and there are times when siblings disagree. However, if you're experiencing prolonged conflict or hostility with an adult sibling, it may be helpful to consider the broader family context.

Family Systems Theory points to intergenerational family patterns as the root cause of hostility between siblings. If you have a hostile relationship with your adult sibling, it may be helpful to identify potential root causes. You can do so by asking yourself the following questions:

• What was my relationship with my sibling as a child? Was it conflictual then?

• What do my parents’ relationships with their siblings look like?

• Was I compared to my siblings or encouraged to be more like them or vice versa?

• When we were children, did I feel that I had to compete with my siblings for my parents’ attention or approval?

• How was conflict modeled in my parents’ relationship?

• Was I (and am I) allowed to have different opinions, thoughts, and ambitions from the wider family?

Opening the Lines of Communication

If you and an adult sibling were often compared to one another as children and/or currently feel that you are in competition with one another, it may be helpful to discuss together how you learned to navigate conflict and wider family norms surrounding it.

Family patterns are intergenerational so it could be helpful to reflect on what family norms you would like to carry forward and which are best to intentionally leave behind (Milevsky, 2018).

Rewriting the Sibling Narrative

Lastly, rewrite the narrative. Celebrating your differences and encouraging one another to have independent identities, with different interests, skills, and values will dramatically shift your competitive narrative (Feinberg et al., 2003).

Healthy sibling relationships in young adulthood can contribute in powerful ways to your overall mental health and wellness. If you would like help navigating or improving your relationship with your adult sibling, please reach out to learn more about sibling therapy.

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References

Audet, É. C., Levine, S. L., Holding, A. C., Koestner, R., & Powers, T. A. (2021). A Remarkable Alliance: Sibling Autonomy Support and Goal Progress in Emerging Adulthood. Family Relations, 70(5), 1571–1582. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12562

Feinberg, M. E., McHale, S. M., Crouter, A. C., & Cumsille, P. (2003). Sibling Differentiation: Sibling and Parent Relationship Trajectories in Adolescence. Child Development, 74(5), 1261–1274. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8624.00606

Milevsky, A. (2005). Compensatory patterns of sibling support in emerging adulthood: Variations in loneliness, self-esteem, depression, and life satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(6), 743–755. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505056447