The Role of Shame in Eating Disorders and How to Overcome It

Shame is a powerful and pervasive force in eating disorders, shaping thoughts, behaviors, and self-perception in profound ways. Unlike guilt, which is tied to actions ("I did something bad"), shame strikes at the core of identity ("I am bad"). It whispers that we are unworthy, broken, or fundamentally flawed. In turn, these beliefs drive disordered eating behaviors as a way to cope, numb, or exert control (Goss & Gilbert, 2002).

Shame doesn’t just contribute to the development of eating disorders; it keeps you stuck. It creates a cycle where self-criticism leads to destructive behaviors, which then reinforce feelings of inadequacy (Troop et al., 2008). Understanding and addressing shame is a crucial step in recovery. Let’s explore how shame manifests in eating disorders and, more importantly, how to break free from its grip.

How Shame Fuels Eating Disorders

Shame Distorts Self-Worth

Many people struggling with eating disorders tie their self-worth to their appearance, weight, or control over food. When they don’t meet impossible standards, shame floods in, reinforcing the belief that they are not good enough. This cycle often leads to further restriction, binging, or purging, deepening the disorder (Ferreira et al., 2013).

Shame Thrives in Silence

Shame convinces people that they must hide their struggles. The secrecy surrounding eating disorders such as, hiding food, lying about eating habits, or withdrawing from loved ones often stems from deep shame. This isolation prevents individuals from seeking help, making recovery even harder (Pinto-Gouveia et al., 2014).

Shame Creates a Self-Punishment Loop

For many, eating disorders become a form of self-punishment. The belief that one is unworthy of nourishment, pleasure, or care can lead to extreme restriction or purging as a form of atonement. This harsh self-treatment only reinforces the cycle of self-hatred (Kelly & Carter, 2013).

Breaking Free from Shame

1. Identify Shame-Based Thoughts

   Recognizing when shame is at play is the first step. Pay attention to thoughts like “I’m disgusting,” “I don’t deserve to eat,” or “I’ll never be good enough.” These are shame’s lies, not truths. Challenge them with self-compassion and logic (Gilbert, 2009).

2. Speak It Aloud

   Shame loses its power when it’s spoken aloud to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. The more we hide shame, the stronger it becomes. Sharing your experiences with someone who understands can help dismantle the isolation that shame thrives on (Brown, 2010).

3. Separate Identity from Behavior

   You are not your eating disorder. Instead of saying, “I am broken,” try, “I am struggling and I am working toward healing.” Creating this separation helps reframe recovery as a journey, not a reflection of personal failure (Fairburn, 2008).

4. Practice Self-Compassion

   Many people with eating disorders extend kindness to others but struggle to show it to themselves. Self-compassion is an antidote to shame. Treat yourself as you would a friend—with understanding, patience, and encouragement. A slip in recovery doesn’t mean failure; it means you’re human (Neff, 2011).

5. Seek Professional Support

   Shame can be deeply rooted in past experiences, trauma, or societal messages. Working with a therapist, especially one trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or compassion-focused therapy, can help address these underlying beliefs and create healthier coping mechanisms (Goss & Allan, 2014). Our therapists are ready to help you, please reach out to set up a complimentary consultation.

Moving Forward Without Shame

Recovery is not about being perfect; it’s about making progress, embracing self-acceptance, and learning healthier ways to cope. Shame may have influenced your eating disorder, but does not have to be a part of your recovery.

By recognizing shame, speaking it aloud, and practicing self-compassion, you can start to break free from its grip and move toward a life where self-worth isn’t measured by food, weight, or control, but by who you are as a whole person with your strengths, struggles, and imperfections.

You are not alone. Help is available, and healing is possible. By reaching out and speaking up you will be taking essential steps to closing the door on shame, and opening another to healing, recovery, and personal growth.

We're proud to offer complimentary consultations. Connect with us here to learn more about how we can help and what it would be like to work with us.

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References

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.

Fairburn, C. G. (2008). Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Eating Disorders. Guilford Press.

Ferreira, C., Pinto-Gouveia, J., & Duarte, C. (2013). Self-compassion in the face of shame and body image dissatisfaction: Implications for eating disorders. Eating Behaviors, 14(2), 207-210.

Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. New Harbinger.

Goss, K., & Allan, S. (2014). Compassion Focused Therapy for Eating Disorders. Routledge.

Goss, K., & Gilbert, P. (2002). Eating disorders, shame and pride: A cognitive-behavioral functional analysis. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 9(3), 181-188.

Kelly, A. C., & Carter, J. C. (2013). Self-compassion training for binge eating disorder: A pilot randomized controlled trial. Psychotherapy Research, 24(5), 602-612.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. HarperCollins.

Pinto-Gouveia, J., Ferreira, C., & Duarte, C. (2014). Thinness in the pursuit of social safeness: An integrative model of social rank mentality to explain eating psychopathology. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 21(2), 154-165.

Troop, N. A., Allan, S., Serpell, L., & Treasure, J. L. (2008). Shame in women with a history of eating disorders. European Eating Disorders Review, 16(6), 480-488.